Thursday, March 19, 2009

Lawmaker wants to DNA test abandoned pet poop

Hey something smells around here and it's not in Washington for a change.

Nobody likes it when Rover comes over and leaves a lawn ornament in their yard.

But one German lawmaker wants to take that fight to a whole new level, the AFP reports.
Peter Stein, a state parliamentarian who apparently has already solved all of his homeland's other pressing problems, wants officials to use DNA testing on abandoned dog dung and then fine the offending owners.

That's right. He's going to call out the CSI squad ... for poop.
Don't even think about it, Fluffy.
Currently, German dog owners are fined $40 - $50 if they don't clean up after their pets, but very few of them are ever busted. (Shock!)

Under Stein's proposal, the AFP reports that officials would compare the DNA from the doodoo samples to a doggie database, thereby locating - and punishing - naughty pet owners.

Never mind the expense - these folks have justice to serve.

I kind of see the whole scenario going down like this: First, a dog will do his dirty business and his owner will pretend he doesn't see it, choosing instead a life on the lam.

Then, the mayor will shine a special 'scat alert' signal into the sky.

And that's when the panic will take over. Babies will cry and the townspeople will draw their shades tight, waiting anxiously inside to see if someone will save them.

Newspaper boys will emerge from nowhere peddling special editions in the dark, rain-soaked city streets, with bold-faced headlines screaming "DEVASTATING DOODIE" or "PANIC OVER POOP IN PARK!"

And then finally, the poop patrol will swoop down from the heavens, scoopers in their hands and courage in their hearts, ready to collect the evidence for the greater good.

Consider yourself warned, Fido.

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